Red, an introduction. Not to be confused with Valentine's Day because you should learn some patience.

You've read the psychological profiles about the poor. Men wearing it  are consistently perceived by women as having pernicious mommy issues and probably some sort of fungal infection that is best not talked about; women wearing it are seen as being overly attracted to cheap wine from Trader Joe’s and a have a nasty tendency to leave Legos lying around where you’ll step on them in the dark. In your bare feet. Savage.

 R E D 

I don’t know man, I didn’t actually read the study, too many words. It was all like “aggression” and “sexual attractiveness” and “high social status” and whatever. Maite likes red, she thinks it’s passionate and spicy. Not gonna lie, red makes me a little nervous. Maybe it’s all the variations: ruby, wine, crimson, cherry, blush, garnet, spilled blood of my vanquished enemies, you know, that sort of thing.

 

But check out this bad boy:

 

 

No denying. That is a red that weaves opulence with a masculine derring-do. (Yeah, I said derring-do. Errol Flyn style, bitches. That's how we roll.) 

 Or what about this chair and rug:

 

 

 

Maite' says that the red here is like the cool sub-plot of a bad action movie. It's the romantic "will they or won't they" of the two side characters that is way more interesting than the big robots smashing up the city to fight the mutant teenagers. 

 

But you've seen all that before, let's be honest, no broken ground. But take a gander at this chandelier and try to sum it up in a word. You can't.

 

It's like candy and dancing and a princess who doesn't wait for some daffy prince to rescue her, she does that shit herself. It's a late night hallucination after that last tequila mockingbird you probably shouldn't have drunk quite so fast (Not your fault, your buddy ordered it for you.). It's the swirling skirt of a salsa dancer with a giant boyfriend who just caught you looking, but he ain't mad. It's got a little Christmas ornament in it, and some heat, and enough glimmer to make a disco ball a little jealous. 

 

Or you could just say it's RED. Because red has all that inside of it and doesn't need these long-winded explanations, just like that study (that I still haven't read) didn't need all those words.

 

 

Posted by Daniel Kucan on 02 February, 2017 0 comments
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